... Idol

Congratulations to the Roman Catholic Church and its million members for having selected a new pope. This is truly a great event for them. However, it was sort of anti-climactic. Here’s an idea that they could have used to make this event a much more memorable one.

THE FOX NETWORK PRESENTS:
"VATICAN POPE IDOL"

Hosted by: Beloved by all Catholics, Mel Gibson

Judges:
Billy Graham
- will judge on general Christian and Bible knowledge and how the new pope can relate to other religions

The Virgin Mary
- will judge on fashion, style points, and servitude.

Lance Armstrong or David Beckham
- just because every contest needs a well-known athlete as a judge.

Madonna
- for show only – opinions must not be taken seriously.

Janet Reno (former Attorney General)
- just because the legal profession has had run-ins with the Catholic church in recent years. Better be safe now than sorry.

The winner of this prestigious search will receive:
1) A lifetime contract to rule the million Catholics all over the world.
2) A golden throne
3) A humungous gold ring
4) Adoring fans (mostly religious fanatics)
5) A lifetime supply of pope hats (the white pointy one with the green & gold lining is my personal favorite)
6) Their very own pope mobile (used)
7) Authority to bless almost anything
8) World leader status – not as great as it sounds anymore.
9) Rock star status – will forever be better than “world leader” status.
10) A $5,000 make over courtesy of TLC’s “What Not To Wear”